Authentic Numerology

By: John D. Moore / Source: Psych Central

Are you facing your first holiday season in a place of grief and despair? Did someone close to you die this past year, causing you to feel overwhelming sadness? Do you find yourself faking a smile when others attempt to spread Yuletide cheer?

If you can relate, it is important to recognize you are not alone. The truth is that for many people, “Christmas” can be a brutally painful time of year – particularly if you are coping with the loss of someone like a parent, child, sibling or other loved one.

The intensity of what you are feeling right now speaks directly to the enormity of of the moment. You are in a fragile place to be sure.

Now, as in this very second in time, I want you to take a deep breath. Clear your mind of everything that has happened on this day and purge yourself of all thoughts. Take another breath and use the power of mindfulness to bring focus to your immediate surroundings.

In doing this, my hope is to momentarily suspend your heart’s heavy burden so that you can more fully absorb what follows. When you are emotionally able, feel free to proceed.

5 Ways to Remember Someone You Have Lost This Christmas

1. Use their name

Many who have lost someone close are reluctant to speak their name during the holidays in fear of causing others discomfort. If you are one of these people, you do yourself and the person you loved a dishonor by not remembering them verbally.

Healing cannot take place if we deny a person’s existence. Invoke the name of your loved and speak from the place they now live – in your heart.

2. Allow others to comfort you

Grieving is a uniquely intimate experience. It is also a necessary part of healing. If you bottle up all that you are feeling and push away those who care for you, you deny yourself and others powerful moments of healing.

It’s OK to not want to talk but let others be with you at this time. There can be restoration in the silence.

3. Laugh and Cry

You may feel that it is disrespectful to laugh right now, particularly if a memory pops up about the person you have lost that makes you smile. Please clear your mind of this belief.

A basic universal truth about grief is simply this – without laughter, we would have only tears.

Crying by the way is OK too right now. Tears are a natural byproduct of your sadness. Let them fall from your eyes cathartically. Allow others to lovingly wipe them from your face.

4. Create a memory chain

If you celebrate Christmas and want to remember someone who has passed, a very meaningful and loving thing to do is to create a memory chain. All you have to do is take some construction paper and cut out little bands about 12-inches long.

After you cut them up, lay the strips on the floor. Then you, your children, friends and extended family members can write down cherished memories about the person who has died.

Tape or staple the bands together and wrap the chain around the Christmas tree.

You can also make a wreath for a doorway or simply hang it up on a wall. From time to time, when it feels right, read the messages and feel whatever comes up.

5. Decline what feels right but don’t isolate

You have every right to decline invitations to various holiday events at this time. It’s not easy being around others who are in a happy place while you are feeling such immense loss. You are not obliged to do anything.

With that shared, don’t fall into the trap of emotionally locking yourself up and isolating. Doing so may only make you feel worse. Instead, surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you. If others are grieving over the same loss, be with them.

Final Thoughts: Christmas and Loss

Facing your first Christmas and by extension, New Year, in the absence of someone you dearly loved is one of the most difficult things you will ever endure.

There is no way I or anyone else can use a bunch of flowery language to magically take away your pain. More than anything right now, compassion for yourself is the order of the day.

They say that when we love deeply – we hurt deeply. It is in the hurting that we find the healing.

I hope the gift of healing visits your heart this holiday season.

By: Nanice Ellis / Source: Wake Up World

In my recent article Living The Grand Dream, I wrote about how we each possess a key for personal transformation in the dreams that we hold, and when we begin to listen to those dreams, transformation begins to unfold.

Well what if I told you that all that separates you from your dream are five simple keys?

When each of these essential keys are activated, you invoke the power of the Universe on your behalf and the whole world conspires with you – to make your dream a reality.

As a life coach who specializes in dream manifestation, this is what I have learned, in over 20 years, working with thousands of people all over the world…

Dream Realization – Manifesting Your Grand Dream

1 – What is Your Dream?

The first step in realizing your dream is to clearly identify it, and understand why this dream is important to you. Sometimes we have a dream because we believe that in the attainment of that dream, we will acquire something that we desire, like money, status or fame.

If you are only pursuing a dream in order to acquire a result, the dream is probably not authentic.

Authentic dreams are pursued and fulfilled for the love of the dream itself and not for any self-serving result.

This doesn’t mean that in fulfilling your dream there won’t be positive results for you – there actually should be great rewards for you, but the rewards will be a by-product, rather than the goal.

If you are pursuing a dream because you believe that it will please your mother, for example, or it will bring you approval by others, it might be a good idea to re-examine your dream.

If your dream is based on something that you believe that you “should” do or if it is motivated by obligation, you might want to pause to question your dream as well.

If you discover that your dream is based on inauthentic motivation, don’t be afraid to let go of your dream so that there is space for your authentic dream to appear and make itself known to you.

After you strip away the inauthentic, you might discover that you still have the same dream; but without the external pressure and motivation, the dream now originates from sustainable inspiration.

Once you uncover your authentic dream, your first call to action is to simply dream about it through your imagination. Even if you only know a little piece of it, begin there and use your imagination to fill in the details.

Your imagination is an ingenious built-in technology for exploring possibilities, and it can grant you access into hidden worlds and glorious possible futures.

The use of imagination can save you time and energy, and can accelerate the manifestation of your dream. Your imagination can also demonstrate what you don’t want so that you can clarify what you do want.

The greatest inventors and creators of all times used their imagination before ever beginning any projects.

Your imaginative powers allow you to fine tune your dream by mentally exploring various possibilities until you discover a dream that fits for you. And, yes, there is a dream with your name on it!

2 – Beliefs: the Foundation of Your Dream

The realization of every dream begins with a thought in your imagination, but in order for a dream to materialize there needs to be a strong belief that supports the dream.

Keep in mind that every dream will have beliefs that support the dream and beliefs that stop the dream from materializing. It is in your highest interest to understand all the beliefs that you hold about your dream.

The key is to address the non-supportive beliefs and release them or shift them and to enhance the supportive beliefs.
Your beliefs are the source of your inner chatter and automatic affirmations, like, “I can do it” or “this is too much to handle.”

Every time you affirm that you can do something, a supportive belief inflates and you are elevated to a level of aligning with your dream. Every time you affirm that it is too much to handle, you mis-align with your dream.

Remember, beliefs are simply a series of thoughts that we believe. The simplest way to shift a belief is to DROP any and all thoughts that do not support your objective (dream).

When you drop these disempowering thoughts enough times, a threshold is met and the negative belief begins to lose power.

Hence, the more you affirm empowering beliefs through your conscious affirmations and intentional focus, the stronger those beliefs will become.

To manifest that which you desire, it is imperative to believe that it is already done. Sometimes we are very clear in our convictions and it is easy to believe our desires into reality, but other times, Fears, Objections and Doubt (aka FOD) arise and our ability to believe is less than stellar.

Fears

Big or small, most dreams bring up fears. Having fear in relation to your dream is natural and normal and is not an indication of whether or not, you can achieve your dream.

Having said this, take a good look at all your fears in relation to your dream. Many of the rational fears on your list might be addressed by gaining more information or making the right contacts; for example, getting funding or finding someone who can provide a particular service.

If this is the case, it is best to handle each concern accordingly without hesitating and making issues bigger than they are. Of course, there are irrational fears which are likely linked to deeper issues, such as lack of confidence or low self-esteem.

It would be nice to say, first gain the confidence and self-esteem and then get on with your dream, but that doesn’t really work.

The key to overcoming irrational fear is to consciously grow your dream and your desire for your dream larger than the fear.

If your desire is greater than your fear, nothing will stop you, and as you move toward your dream, and take action, you will naturally gain the confidence and esteem that you lacked pre-dream.

Fan the flames of your dream, and the fire will put out the fears.

Objections

Everyone who has ever had a dream has also had objections to pursuing or living that dream. Objections are all the reasons why we shouldn’t pursue our dream and why it is not possible.

If you push your objections underneath the carpet, they will eventually trip you, so it is best to deal with your objections head on. Sometimes just paying attention to your objections will allow them to dissolve on their own.

But, if you have a stubborn objection, chances are, there is an underlying belief that is manifesting in this objection. If this is the case, uncover that belief and deal with it directly.

For example, if one of your objections is that you need more education in order to fulfill your dream, pay attention to this objection. Is it really true or is it an excuse to put off your dream?

If you discover that you really do need more education in order to fulfill your dream, than move in that direction, but if you discover that your dream does not depend on future degrees, then let go of this objection, and move forward.

Doubt

Doubt is another form of fear and, although doubt, in itself, appears benign, doubt is like the apocalypse to a dream. Even a little doubt can take down the structure of your dream and reduce it to rubble.

If you decide to pursue your dream, there is no room for doubt. This means consciously choosing to ignore doubt whenever it rears its doubt-ridden little head.

Recognize the voice of doubt and take all its power away, by consciously choosing not to give it energy. If circumstances indicate that your dream is doubtful, don’t give in to the doubt.

Instead use those circumstances as opportunities to dream even bigger, beyond the barrier of doubt.

As you release and overcome non-supportive beliefs, it is vitally essential to develop and enhance positive, dream-affirming beliefs that will create a foundation for the building of your dream.

It is a good idea to spend time every day feeding your supportive beliefs, as well as surrounding yourself with people who believe in you and believe in your dream.

3 – Align with Your Dream

In order to materialize your dream, you must align with it. This means energetically becoming the future you who already has the dream.

When we say yes to a dream, life responds by saying yes in return, but if we are not a vibrational match to that dream, life also responds with challenges.

Challenges are intrinsically designed, in such a way, that as you overcome them, you naturally grow and evolve into the future you who is aligned with your dream.

In other words, challenges are opportunities for growth that support the realization of your dream.

Who are you now in comparison to who you must be in order to realize your dream? For example, if the person in your dream communicates masterfully, but you currently do not communicate well, life will present you with specific challenges.

In overcoming these challenges, your communication skills grow. The more you are aligned with your dream, the less challenges required to align you, so, it makes sense to consciously do whatever it takes to become a vibrational match to your dream.

When you think of yourself living your dream, who are you? What attributes, energy and qualities do you possess?

If you can determine the gaps or discrepancies between where you are and where you need to be, you can take conscious action in order to initiate the necessary growth.

In other words, instead of waiting for life to give you opportunities to grow into confidence, for example, you take the initiative and you put your attention and intention on gaining and achieving confidence.

Your dream can materialize in an exponential manner if you can now take on all aspects of who you will be in your dream. Your work is in becoming the future you who is already experiencing the dream.

4 – Commit to Your Dream

Your greatest power is the Power of Choice and this means that you must choose yourself for the starring role of your dream. Only you can do this and your dream depends on it.

It is equally important that you commit to your dream for however long it takes for your dream to materialize. There is something about this unconditional commitment that accelerates the amount of time in which it takes to realize your dream.

If you are willing to “give up” your dream if it does not happen in a certain period of time, the amount of time and effort required in attaining your dream increases.

Your dedicated commitment to your dream plugs you into the Universe in such a way that everything lines up with synchronicity and synergy. The Universe likes unconditional commitment.

Committing to your dream requires both intention and attention.

The intention is in the underlying emotional and energetic choice to fulfill your dream while the attention is the tangible manifestation of your intention, and it is demonstrated through your daily focus and inspired actions.

5 – Take Inspired Action

Once your dream is clear and you have chosen yourself for your dream, it is time to take inspired action. This is not just action for the sake of taking action or checking off the logical “to do” list.

This is action that comes through inspiration. Inspired action is personal guidance given to you by the greater part of you that already knows how the dream unfolds.

In order to receive this guidance, it is essential that you spend quiet time each day in contemplation of your dream and that you are receptive to any and all intuitive hits that may guide you in the right direction.

It might be calling an old friend, reading a book, going to a gathering, or asking someone for help. By following inspired guidance, the process to realizing your dream is accelerated by the creative power of the All-Knowing Universe.

Your Dream Grows

As you pursue your dream, don’t be surprised if your dream changes or grows. Sometimes we can only imagine the beginning stages of a dream but as we move into it and life unfolds, we are shown or called to an even bigger dream.

The point is, your dream is not stagnate. Your dream is meant to grow and you are meant to grow with your dream – and for your dream. Above all, Enjoy the Journey.

The Infinite Power of You

If you knew you possessed infinite and intrinsic power, right now, who would you be? What kind of life would you live?

Reclaiming your infinite power means discovering who you really are and having the courage to express the real you. Discovering your real powerful self is a prerequisite for experiencing freedom, peace, love, abundance and everything you have ever desired.

You are the answer to every question you have ever asked.

Source: Beliefnet

We all have misconceptions about many of our religious texts, and the wonderful Torah is also included.

Many don’t realize what goes into the making of creating the Torah, keeping it holy, and when Moses wrote the first scroll. Here six facts that you didn’t know about the Torah.

First Torah

Moses authored the first Torah scrolls to give to the 12 tribes. This was stored in the Ark inside the Temple so no one could manipulate the writings.

The Torah is also known as the Five Books of Moses. Additionally, the Torah is the entire body of Jewish teachings. Moses didn’t just receive the commandments he received the entire Torah. He went on

Laws

The Torah was the first book to introduce laws, ethics and morals during a time of human sacrifice and severe immorality over 3,000 years ago.

First Laws Introduced

The Torah was the first book to introduce laws, ethics and morals during a time of human sacrifice and severe immorality over 3,000 years ago. Another law that really upset the people was the law against sexual immorality.

Writing of the Torah

There are over 3,000 laws that dictate the writing of the Torah. Any mistake made during the writing, the scroll is burned. If there is a mistake when writing the name of God–the writer must go take a bath in the ritual pool.

Asofer

Did you know that only a highly trained asofer can write the Torah and it takes a year and each page has 42 lines?

What is the Misnah?

Many orthodox Jews believe that the Lord taught the Oral Torah to Moses so he could teach it to others. Not until the 2nd Century BC was the oral tradition written down in what is known as the Mishnah.

What is the Misnah? The Misnah is the first written work of the Oral Torah.

 

By: Phil Watt / Source: Wake Up World

At some stage of our lives we all experience emotional dysfunction to various degrees, especially when we’re maturing. In many cases it is a part of the learning curve as we grow into our more developed selves.

Simple examples are that we might dwell on a problem too long, get upset or angry too easily, view life pessimistically or think self-abusive thoughts consistently.

There are many negative thought patterns and feelings that we can get caught up in. If they are a temporary experience then there is no real harm done – in fact we may have learned something about ourselves and others through the experience.

It’s when these thoughts and emotions become a permanent characteristic of our daily lives that they become self-harming. In these cases, poor emotional regulation might impact us more significantly and even result in a mental disorder.

Ultimately though, if we understand that happiness and sadness are fleeting experiences, we set the stage to make contentment a permanent feature of our heart and mind and break the emotional patterns that disturb our inner peace.

It is of course not the ideal to be happy all the time; otherwise we are potentially suppressing or avoiding part of the human experience. For example, if a loved one passes away, obviously we’re not going to be happy about it.

It is perfectly normal to feel grief, and the same goes with disappointment if we don’t get that job we really wanted. We need to accept that being happy and sad, even at the same time, is a natural state of human affairs.

Yet when those negative feelings become overwhelming and dictate how we operate, it is indicative of emotional dysfunction and the mental and physical health complications that can manifest from it.

When these thoughts and emotions disturb our inner peace, we should embrace the emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows whilst aiming for permanent contentment.

We can do this by relying on our fundamental beliefs or philosophies when our emotional and psychological health is challenged. For example, “regardless of the difficult experience I now face, I am content in life because I am fortunate enough to have had this beautiful existence in the first place”.

If such a belief is our guiding truth, what we remind ourselves when life gets tough, then we have the key for establishing and maintaining inner peace in our lives.

In a previous article, 8 Emotional Patterns That Can Disturb Our Inner Peace, I discussed the following examples:

1. Feeling unforgiving towards others
2. Easily frustrated with small matters
3. Sadness and Depression
4. Anxiety prone
5. Negatively judging others
6. Jealous behaviour
7. Holding onto guilt
8. Often feeling offended.

These eight patterns are problematic if they are permanent mindsets that we live with. Not only do they make us suffer, but those around us too.

Continuing this discussion, here are…

8 More Emotional Patterns That Can Disturb Our Inner Peace

1. Vanity or excessive self-love

Excessive self-love manifests in many ways. It’s usually born from issues of insecurity. A poor self-image and self-esteem can also be at play. Essentially, if we’re vain, we’re in pain. We aren’t balanced, nor at peace.

Societal illustrations of beauty have warped our collective image of what’s beautiful. Sculpted bodies, make-up, clothes and hairstyles can add to the unique presentation of a person, but they’re not what fundamental beauty really is, nor what is truly important in our life.

Beauty and attraction is not just physical – it’s also the emotional, intellectual, moral, behavioural and spiritual natures of a person, as well as other qualitiess.

When we are vain, then we sacrifice some of our own beauty and also sacrifice some the experience of beauty we perceive in others. If we burden ourselves in the belief that we’re better than others, then we suffer.

How can we expect ourselves to always reach those ideals? To be in constant competition with others (or our own self image) is unhealthy and will often bring up other negative states, like jealousy and envy.

Vanity is also the excessive self-love of other personal attributes besides image.

Sure, people have strengths and weaknesses, which mean for example that other people are going to be more intellectually developed than we are, just as we may be more emotionally developed than they are. So who then, is the better person?

Neither. We’re all essentially equal.

If we’re vain, then we’re most likely only focusing on our external strengths, which hide what’s going on inside of us. This might be how great our body looks, the money we earn, the skills that we have, the job we do, or the goals that we’ve achieved.

But they’re not forms of true success. Yes, they are successes in their own right, but they don’t guarantee us happiness. Being virtuous to ourselves and others is one true form of success.

And anybody can achieve it, regardless of socio-economic, racial, cultural, health or other demographic influences.

2. Sexual addiction

Being addicted to sex is an emotionally dysfunctional state which is common with men, but it can also happen to women.

I believe this is not just a product of our physiological and primal make up, such as the genetic and chemical constituents of the body, but also the result of our consumerist world, which bombards us with the message that fulfilling ego-based desires is what will ensure our happiness: Have sex.

Buy porn. Objectify others. Look at how hot these women are. Keep satisfying yourself (and this message isn’t just limited to our sexual identity).

As a result, many are always trying to find their next ‘lay’; trying to tick another box whilst never being fully satisfied.

Now I’m not saying that paying heed to the sexiness of humanity is wrong, because there’s lots of raw beauty to be embraced and experienced. We love and we lust.

That’s who we are. But if we’re addicted to having sex with as many people as we can, driven by ego instead of a desire to truly connect, then we may be experiencing an emotional imbalance that can inhibit us from being content.

Ultimately, all emotional addictions are unhealthy, especially over the long term.

So much of mainstream society has forgotten how pure sex can be. It’s much more powerful when it’s appreciated on a deeper level, especially when we begin to evoke the divine energetic experiences that can accompany love-making and lust-making between two people.

That’s the experience of sex that I believe we should functionally work towards.

3. Being plagued by stress

Stress is when our mind and body are temporarily tested to their limits. The chemicals that are released can be good for our overall health and performance, if stress is experienced in the short term.

Therefore, we should always explore different activities that will release adrenaline and other beneficial hormones into our system, such as regular exercise.

Yet stress becomes unhealthy when we live in an anxious and nervous state on an ongoing basis. When we’re always freaking out about meeting that deadline.

When we’re always worried about some aspect of our future. If we’re constantly living with stress in our lives then we’re not at peace.

With the body’s flight/fight systems activated, long term states of stress leave us on a chemical edge, doing lasting damage to our mind and body.

Many people don’t understand that stress comes from within, not from without. Sure, some experiences are harder to emotionally deal with – they challenge us more than others – but every person responds differently to similar situations.

This inherently means we have a level of control. We can’t blame our boss, our job, our partner, our children, our parents etc. It’s up to us to properly take care of ourselves, not others.

When we blame others for the way we feel, we disempower ourselves from making positive change. We determine for how long we feel stressed or even if we feel stress in the first place.

If we process highly pressured experiences in our lives in a way that is functional, light-hearted and even humorous, we can reduce stress and prevent it from becoming a long term dysfunction.

Ongoing stress is simply emotional dis-ease which can manifest as physical disease. This in and of itself should be enough of a justification for removing the emotional dysfunction of stress from our lives. Plus it’s not an enjoyable way to live either – for us or our loved ones.

4. Obsessing over love

Many of us are obsessed with finding the perfect partner or creating the perfect relationship. It detracts from living holistically and in the moment because obsession occupies a lot of our thoughts and feelings. It’s like being addicted to a future ideal that we want, but don’t have.

Many emotional dysfunctions are sourced to a lack of love in our lives. For example, a lot of adult trauma is birthed from not enough love and nurturing as children.

Yet the reality is that we all have times in our lives where we don’t have enough love from others – that’s where it’s our own job to fill the void. We should find love for ourselves and our lives, and not expect others to do it for us.

That way we can always be at peace, no matter what’s happening in our world of love and relationships.

Sometimes we have also allowed our love life to have a negative impact on us. When our heart hurts for long periods of time, sometimes we continue to blame someone or something else, including love itself.

It’s not loves fault; love is love. The way we process all of our feelings and experiences, with the skills and knowledge we have at that time, will either hurt or benefit ourselves, or both. That means we have the responsibility.

As a relationship mediator and self-help guide, I don’t know how many times I’ve experienced people in a ‘world of hurt’ who believe that someone they loved, or even love itself, has crushed their lives.

This is not true. I know that people do hurtful things to others, but how much pain and suffering we experience, and for how long, really is up to us. They cannot control how we respond to hurtful behaviour; only we control that.

Sure, it’s definitely hard when someone leaves us unexpectedly. Or cheats on us. Or does a myriad of other actions which challenge our emotional wellbeing.

It tests us to our limits; but to what degree we suffer is where we need to take ownership.

No one person feels the same, and we each have power in how we react or respond to both the negative and positive experiences that life offers us. This includes love, and the loss of love.

In addition, if we’re going to have high expectations of love and relationships then we should be mastering ourselves first, in order that we can love others.

And in my experience, having an unhealthy love obsession is the opposite of that. We should have a serious crack at our own development before we expect to form an ideal relationship; otherwise the relationship is more than likely only going to be as developed as we are.

It’s no wonder that so many people are disappointed in love, because they forget to focus enough on themselves, in and out of their relationships.

Disclaimer: there is no perfect love, only imperfectly perfect love. We’re human after all. Nor do we ever achieve a perfect self. Instead of aiming for complete self-idealisation, we should aim to be the most developed we can be in each moment, for the rest of our imperfect lives.

5. Living in denial

Surely we know what our current status is, right? We know our strengths and weaknesses? What are we striving for? What is our next stage of growth? Are we actually content?

Blindly living with our dysfunctions – in denial – is an emotional dysfunction in and of itself. Don’t we want to learn and grow and become our new more empowered selves?

Of course we do. But sometimes it’s hard. And scary. Sometimes we don’t have the knowledge, skills or willpower to overcome our own problematic behaviour. That’s where we should invite help, or consult a professional.

If we have lessons to learn but don’t face and overcome them, then we’re living in denial. No matter what, our lessons don’t go away — they’ll keep re-manifesting in different ways until we face them.

And even when we do overcome them, they often return to just make sure we’ve properly learned them. They’re quite cheeky like that.

We all have areas that need attention. We should stop ignoring them for the benefit of our own health. They can include our physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, philosophical, creative, sexual, behavioural and social vitalities.

If we face our strengths and weaknesses, accept and embrace them, and then set goals to develop ourselves, then we’re not living in denial nor suffering as a result.

A common emotional dysfunction is living in denial of our fears and hates. What are we still scared of? Why? Will it kill us? Or will we kill ourselves through the unhealthy stress that fear and hate generates? Time to face those fears, or suffer.

Embracing and functionally processing our past, releasing our unrealistic expectations of the future, and seeing the present as a gift, ensures that we’re content and not living in denial.

In theory it’s easy, but in practice it’s more complex… but ensuring our inner peace is worth it.

6. Being Hell Bent on ‘Success’

Why do some of us spend all our time attempting to achieve some form of external success at the expense of our internal success? What is so important that we sacrifice true success?

Power. The more powerful we become, the more people will respect us and the more we will respect ourselves.

But if we’re not virtuously looking after our inner and outer worlds, what good is the respect of others if we can’t even have true respect for ourselves?

If we’re focusing on the external forms of success, instead of the kind that makes us a genuine and truly beautiful human being, then what worth do our achievements have?

Not much if we’re living a dysfunctional and unhealthy life. If we’ve sacrificed the most important parts of being human to enter the rat race and achieve misguided success, then we’ve lost our way.

If we’ve burnt ourselves out, sacrificed our relationships and lost the true value in the small things then we haven’t been truly successful.

The only person who will ever understand whether we’re truly successful or not, is ourselves. So if we’ve lived an emotionally and philosophically unhealthy life, then it’s us that has to face it on our death bed.

If we’ve run ourselves emotionally into the ground to achieve our goals, we’ve a lived stressed life. We’re not content. As the saying goes, the best things in life are free, and that includes inner peace.

Now please be assured that I’m not saying that it’s not a good thing to achieve greatness in our field of choice. The ideal is to achieve both forms of success without one at the expense of the other.

There are many people who have achieved external success whilst also achieved internal success, and that’s what we should aspire to achieve.

Likewise, if we’re hell bent on achieving internal success and have let go of all our external ambitions, such as a loving series of functional relationships and a career that we love to have, then we should re-balance our focus.

Real power is self-empowerment, not power over others. This is a common misconception and causes much suffering in our society.

Yet there is nothing wrong with setting and achieving external goals and being a powerful leader in our field, but when it becomes an obsession, especially at the expense of our internal success, then it’s not a truly successful way to live and inhibits our inner peace.

7. Being consumed by fear and hate

Well this is probably the worst self-abuse we could put ourselves through. Some people who genuinely have hate for other people in general probably have a serious mental illness.

But there are also some of us that are good people, who still harbor hate.

We hate the way the world is right now. We hate our job. We hate that others have it better than us. We hate that people aren’t more focused on love!

This type of thinking is self-contradictory. Filling ourselves with hate isn’t what motivates us to change ourselves or the world, it’s just fills us with hate. What makes us motivated to change ourselves and the world is love.

For example: we love that the world could be a better place. We love that we’re able to provide for ourselves and our family and that we’re striving for a new way to achieve that.

We love that there are greater experiences waiting for us out there. We love that many people operate with love in their hearts and that everybody should have this natural birth right as their daily experience.

See what I did there? I focused on the same things, without the negativity. Hate is a strong word which is well overused in our society, but it’s also a strong feeling.

If we have hate in ourselves, it is inherently self-abuse.

8. Possessiveness

It’s our loved one, don’t go near them! Having this type of attitude is like being a kid acting possessive over their toy.

We should allow our partner and kids to be free to have their own experiences and make their own decisions (unless of course it compromises their safety) – after all, they have a right to have a life too.

Possession creates loss. We get stuck on our perceived ‘possessions’ because we’re scared of losing our comfort and security. We get possessive about the way that we live because we’re scared of what change might bring us.

For example, if we allow our partner to have other friends of the opposite sex, then maybe they’ll fall in love with them and leave us.

Just because we’ve found some form of happiness, living with feelings of possessiveness is an unhealthy and abusive way to live. And not just to ourselves, but to our loved ones too.

If we’re possessive over our loved ones or over the other things in our life, we’re in a closed, resistant system of thought.

If something looks like getting in the way of our possessions, it immediately brings up negative states of mind such as anger, sadness and loss – further inhibiting our inner peace.

Being open minded and embracing the highs and lows of the roller-coaster of life is a template for contentment. Be open to change. Be open to growing. Be open to new and more beautiful things entering our lives. And be open to our loved ones having the same experience too.

Final thoughts

There are many negative states of mind that can potentially get in our way of establishing and maintaining contentment in our lives. As described above, the highs and lows are temporary – but inner peace can be permanent.

Just because we may experience some emotional dysfunction, it doesn’t mean we are emotionally dysfunctional people and we should not identify ourselves that way.

All of us to some degree or another can simply have problems processing our thoughts and feelings and guiding them in a healthy way.

Even if we are emotionally aware, there are days where our self-control and psychological expertise is certainly tested.

But if we seriously commit to it, all of us can learn to identify our patterns of emotional dysfunction and obtain the skills and knowledge to overcome them.

When we are aware that change needs to simply come from within, we’re already on our way to realising advanced self-empowerment.

Once again, we really have that much power.