By: Erin Olivo Ph.D / Source: Psychology Today
Fear is an emotion that many people try to avoid because it makes you feel uncomfortable. But did you know that fear can also motivate you?
I play a game on my iPad where you shoot different colored balls at rows of other colored balls, and when you match up the colors, you clear the lines.
I could zip through the first three rounds no problem but I couldn’t seem to ever make it past the fourth round.
It was so frustrating that every time I tried, I failed. I started getting really tense and anxious each time as I began the fourth round—and that’s when I was hooked.
The challenge of getting to the next level and the fear of not getting to that level kept me motivated. And when I finally mastered the fourth round it felt like acing my driver’s test when I was 16-years-old.
Now of course, the bigger the stakes, the harder it is to hold on to this idea of fear and frustration being motivating. However, the things in life that you’re afraid of and that make you feel vulnerable are often the most important to you.
When you face your fear and allow yourself to feel vulnerable, whatever you’re trying to achieve will bring true meaning and joy to your life. Is there anything you aren’t facing right now because your fear is holding you back?
Perhaps you aren’t applying for that better job because you think you don’t have the experience or you don’t think you can handle the anxiety of interviewing. (Read this post (link is external) about how to achieve your goals).
Maybe you aren’t leaving that “perfectly fine, but really going nowhere” relationship because you’re afraid that you won’t find a better partner.
Or perhaps you find that you don’t share how you’re really feeling or thinking because you’re afraid that you’ll be judged for it.
If any of these sounds familiar, give these three strategies a try and face your biggest fears head on!
Visualize
Picture yourself doing the thing you fear and follow it through to your worst-case scenario. For this visualization you want to really try to see yourself as if you’re watching a movie in your imagination.
Don’t hold back—play out the thing you fear the most and see it all unfold in your mind.
Evaluate
Now evaluate your “worst case scenario” fears:
1. Are they really as bad as you’re imagining? Truly evaluate the probability of your worst fear coming to pass.
2. If you asked your best friend what she thought of your worst-case scenario what would she say?
3. Are you overlooking any strengths you have or positives in the situation that would change your evaluation?
4. Can you plan ahead and problem solve any of the potential challenges or obstacles?
Visualize Again
This time, picture yourself doing the thing you fear but visualize it as if you got a magical advanced warning of exactly what might happen. Now you have the ability to stay calm and handle it all with grace, self-compassion and wisdom.
Watch yourself as you cope with your fear and skillfully manage any downsides that come up. You’ve just rehearsed living the situation in Wise Mind, which is the goal of Wise Mind Living (link is external).
If you feel you need to work through any other scenarios, go back and do the evaluation and visualization again. And when you’re ready, jump in and get the ball rolling in real life!
As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”
